Why Life Changes At 25

I knew when I started this blog that it wouldn't be just another make up blog - I've got too much to say to only focus on beauty products! Now those of you who know me, will be confused by the title of this blog post, because I'm not actually 25, I'm just approaching 23 years old - but stick with me here. 

In the past year, as some of you may know, my life has pretty much turned upside-down. This time last year, I was married and was living in a Navy married quarter. Now, I am separated from my husband and have been with my boyfriend for just over 5 months. In the past year, a lot happened - which I won't touch upon, but lets just say it changed my mindset on life and relationships completely - the '25 Change' as I'm going to call it. 

The "25 Change"

So my boyfriend has a theory that when someone turns 25, their whole outlook changes and that is why so many relationships end around the time that someone turns 25. Sometimes this change can be the need to change your career or job, sometimes it is deciding to start a family, sometimes it is deciding you want to move away etc etc. Some relationships can change, grow and adapt with those changes and they last - so he's not saying that they are doomed if you get together before you're 25! Maybe it's because you've reached a milestone, maybe it's because you feel like your life is not fulfilled. Maybe it's because we often have warped and unrealistic views of what our life will be like when we hit 25 during our teenage years and we realise that hasn't happened. 

Unrealistic Expectations

I know personally, when I was a teenager, I had the idea in my head that by 25, I would be married, with kids, excelling in my career as a psychologist, living in my own house. I had no idea that by 23, I would be in the process of divorce, with no children (but two dogs who may as well be my children!), having moved 450 miles away from my home town, having just bought my own house, working in a part time retail job. So at least I've ticked off some of my list! 

But life isn't always peachy. Now, if you are 25, you may be have fulfilled my list - you might be married, with kids, in your own house, excelling in your career - if you're that person, congratulations! But for those of you who have not reached that point yet, you might find yourself re-evaluating your life at 25. 

So how has my mindset changed? 

Well, for as long as I can remember, I've needed to be in a relationship. I've been absolutely terrified of being by myself, for financial reasons, for the fear of being alone, for the security of a home and probably because I was terrified of reaching 25 and not being married with kids. This meant that I spent a long time in relationships that I knew were going nowhere - they weren't terrible, but I wasn't in love or I wasn't fully happy. And I'll admit now, I cheated numerous times in numerous relationships, because I wanted the affection, I wanted the attention and I was constantly wanting more. I will also add, that I have been cheated on in the past and it put me in the mindset that if I find out they've cheated, I've already done the same so it won't hurt as much. Looking back now, I always thought I was so mature and had everything figured out - I was so wrong. 

So in October last year when everything in my life changed and I went through things that I could've never predicted and wouldn't wish upon anyone, that changed. It was like an epiphany. I suddenly felt like I could do it. I could buy my own house, I could be by myself, I could make the finances work and still keep my dogs. Being single, suddenly became an option - a choice. 

I don't need a boyfriend

You might be reading this, thinking "but she's just said she's got a boyfriend". Let me explain - I know now 100% that I don't NEED a boyfriend. I choose to have one. I choose him. I don't need to be with him, I don't depend on him financially - I pay for my house myself and I'm no longer scared of being on my own. He is not a rebound from my marriage, he is not a back up plan or just someone to be with because it's better than being by myself. He is someone who came into my life at the wrong time but became the right person. 

Many people say that a leopard doesn't change their spots and 'once a cheat always a cheat'. I disagree. Maybe that's the case for some people, but when I had my "25 change", I came to realise that if you are looking elsewhere, for anything, whether that just be sex, affection, attention, fun or whatever, you should not be in a relationship. Everyone always told me that, but I refused to accept it. I think I needed to learn that for myself. I wanted the security of a relationship but the fun of an affair. My boyfriend has definitely taught me that you can have a relationship that fulfils you enough to not need to go elsewhere. I am now 100% of the opinion that if I feel the need to go elsewhere, I will end my relationship first. 

Don't lose the spark

I'm not a relationship counsellor, but a word of advice for any new relationships out there - if you've got that spark, don't lose it. Don't stop saying 'I love you' and meaning it. Don't stop the affection, the cuddles and kisses, the spontaneity, the random acts of kindness. Once you let that go, you've lost the relationship - in my personal experience. Find someone who can give you all of that, love you completely, compromise and communicate (this rare breed does exist!). 

I am of the opinion that you should constantly evaluate your life - work out what makes you happy, what makes you unhappy and what you can do to increase happiness and decrease the unhappiness! If you aren't happy in a job, you should change that, if you aren't happy in a relationship, you should change that. Nothing is impossible, even if it is scary, even if the process is stressful or difficult, the end goal is most likely going to be worth it. 

So to me, life changed at 22, but I've always done everything early! If you find yourself re-evaluating your life, wanting to change things or you find your outlook on life has changed - embrace it, accept that it is completely normal and it could be the best thing that ever happened to you. 

Sarah (aka. Pale Princess) x